Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
