remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
