Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
