im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
