Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
