his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
