Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
