I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
