I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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