he shaved USA in his pubs
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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