You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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