When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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