Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
