So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
