do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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