Pappa wants mamma naked
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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