Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
