How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
