While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
