when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
