Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
