Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
this hospital has no fireball
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
