I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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