Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
