so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
