Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
