lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
