my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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