Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
did i walk over a car last night?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
