you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
be right there i have to get my cape
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
