Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
