You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
