College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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