So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
