Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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