Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
