Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
