Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
there is glitter all over my balls
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
