worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
