i was rollin on her like bob the builder
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
