:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
