so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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