addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Randomize
