i need an iv and a liver transplant
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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