I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
