Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
