He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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