omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
