Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
