i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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